“And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, even among the survivors whom the LORD calls”.
Joel 2:32 (NIV)
This piece is the first in a series that outlines key beliefs I hold about the Christian faith, and why I hold them.
I am unapologetically evangelical and believe passionately that God is a loving Father whose kids were seduced by an evil, serpentine deceiver. This same God paid the ransom for his kids and made a way back home, into a Heavenly family.
Let me start with the first principle that I believe many modern Christians have not been taught: the fear of God is a precious gift. Growing up, I was fiercely moulded into the image of a ‘good girl’. Fashioned by conditional love and unrealistic parental expectations of perfection, I learned to hide any perceived flaws or weaknesses and to strive only towards standards of perfection. I learned later that by trying to create a sense of protection from criticism and rejection, I had developed a complex set of coping mechanisms that left my spirit starved of the very thing that Christians are known for celebrating: grace.
I have always known a Christian faith, but I had a spiritual encounter with Jesus when I was 30 that shook my faith to its core and unravelled the religious strongholds that I had unwittingly embraced. As part of this undoing, I awoke one morning to a presence of God so heavy that it caught my breath. I began to pray urgently in heavenly tongues as I sensed this presence coming closer to me. I fell on my face on the floor, sensing that if this presence continued to come closer, I would be burnt up in the white-hot, holy heat. I began to pray in groans, and the only word I could utter was, ‘Mercy! Mercy! Mercy!’. In that moment, I knew that if I did not receive God’s mercy, I would be consumed. I could not move, I could not argue a case, I could only plead for clemency from a God who I had believed was angry, unyielding, demanding, and judgemental.
As I trembled from head to toe, I felt a stillness fill the room. My heart began to pound as if it would break free of my chest and my stomach swirled. I ran to the bathroom and emptied its contents and fell back on my face on my bedroom floor to await my final fate. But it was over.
Somewhere, in the meeting with God’s holiness, and the return to my face, I had been delivered of a terrible thing, and had received an unbelievable gift in return: I had received Grace. For the first time in my life, I had known deep within myself the wretchedness of my sinful state, and the paradox of the complete and utter sufficiency of God’s mercy for me. I was a changed woman. I knew, with every fibre in my being, that God loved me and that He came to save me. This verse became a living rhema to me in that moment.
Jesus said, “I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much:
Luke 7:47 (NKJV)
but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little”
Do I think that my sins were somehow worse than others? Many religious people thought so and were pleased to tell me so, but that was a lie. The truth is that all have fallen short of the glory of God and desperately need his mercy and grace (Romans 3:23).
The kindness of God was to allow me to become aware of my own deep need for grace, and His incalculable ability to meet it. My worst moment, my worst failures were no match for His abundant kindness and mercy. His grace is sufficient, for all who would come.
The pressure to be perfect to be accepted and loved had tangled my heart in self-sufficiency and self-righteousness. The root was the oldest of sins: pride. Along with pride came its sister spirits of striving and shame. ‘Never good enough’, they cried. ‘Never smart enough, never thin enough, never [insert your fear] enough’. Just never enough.
But here in this place of intimacy, under the shadow of His wings, I learned the truth, but in His beautiful language of love. It was true, I would never be good enough, but in His hands, that very truth became the doorway that led to His greatest gift for me.
God knows that we can never be good enough, and it breaks His heart to see his beloved children wasting away in the depravity and destitution of sin. So, He sent His perfect Son, Jesus, to make a way home for us. Once our complete redemption had been paid for, He sent His Holy Spirit to live in us and give us His goodness, His righteousness, and His grace.
Oh, what amazing Grace it is. I am so thankful for the gift of the fear of the Lord, of the revelation of my own wretched sinfulness. He showed me how wretched I was not to make me feel shame, but to demonstrate His great love for me. To know His love melted my heart and opened up a love for Him that I did not know was possible. I was utterly consumed with my bridegroom. I loved much.
In the months and years that followed, I surrendered daily to this beautiful Saviour, who continued to dismantle my false beliefs and replace them with threads of golden truth. Like a master craftsman, he unravelled the tapestry of my life and began to weave a story of beautiful redemption.
I am convinced of this principle to the core of my being: His Grace is sufficient for you and His salvation is for ALL who would come.
If you struggle with striving, perfectionism, or never being good enough, I encourage you to pray this prayer today:
Father God,
Forgive me for trying to achieve in my own strenght what can only be achieved through your salvation and grace. Help me to overcome my sense of pride, self-sufficiency, and any self-righteousness. I confess my independence from you, and I ask you to fill me with a holy fear, through your precious Holy Spirit. Remove any religious strongholds from my life and reveal to me your unconditional acceptance and love for me. I receive your salvation through Jesus and confess Him as my Lord and Saviour. Jesus, save me from all unrighteousness and make me like you, so that I may love you from the depths of my being.
I ask these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.
Now when Satan or insecurity tells me I’m not good enough, I agree, then remind myself of who is and who I belong to. His Grace is sufficient for me, and for you
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
Arise, fair one. 